John Cleese’s three rules of comedy might be ‘No puns, no puns, no puns’, but let’s face it, the Austin 1100 thrashing Monty Python is no bored sub-editor.
Here’s our selection of 21 fantastic puns. Why 21? Look up and read the headline.
1. Swan Bake
Year: 2003
Title: The Sun
Back story: East Europeans are eating the Queen’s favourite Anatidae. Or not
2. Super Caley Go Ballistic Celtic Are Atrocious
Year: 2000
Title: The Sun
Back story: Celtic 1 – 3 Caledonian Thistle
3. Sheikh ‘N Not Stirred
Year: 2015
Back story: Manchester City boss Manuel Pellegrini not afraid of getting the sack from Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan
4. Aard cash
Year: 2004
Title: Real Finance
Back story: Animation studio of Wallace & Gromet fame, Aardman, do some book-keeping
5. From Hitler Youth to Papa Ratzi
Year: 2005
Title: The Sun
Back story: Pope Joseph Ratzinger steps out on to the balcony of St Peters Basilica
6. Multi-porpoise weapons
Year: Unknown
Title: The Guardian
Back story: Review of a programme on the military use of dolphins
7. Spruce foresight
Year: Unknown
Title: Checkout Fresh
Back story: The supply and demand for Christmas trees
8. Ahead early, a head late
Year: 2014
Title: The Washington Post
Back story: The US beats Ghana in the 2014 World Cup, by two goals to one: they led from early on, and won the match near the final whistle (via a header). Works better in print than online…
9. Germans wurst at penalties
Year: 2010
Title: The Sun
Back story: Evidence suggests that England are better at penalties than their teutonic rivals
10. It’s Paddy pantsdown
Year: 1992
Title: The Sun
Back story: News breaks of an affair between MP Paddy Ashdown and his secretary
11. Howard’s way
Year: 1993
Title: Any tabloid
Back story: MP Michael Howard becomes leader of the Tories
12. Zip me up before you go go
Year: 1998
Title: The Sun
Back story: Singer George Michael is arrested for a ‘lewd act’ in a public toilet
13. A Wayne in a manger
Year: 2009
Title: Liverpool Echo
Back story: Footballer Wayne Rooney becomes a father
14. Two jabs
Year: 2001
Title: Various
Back story: MP John Prescott punches a man who assaulted him with an egg
15. Frog legs it
Year: 2011
Title: New York Post
Back story: Like an innocent man, economist and former IMF top man Dominique Strauss-Kahn promptly leaves New York following his arrest for sex abuse
16. Putter fingers
Year: 2010
Title: The Sun
Back Story: Hapless one-time England goalie Robert Green plays golf
17. Ship ship hooray
Year: 2004
Title: The Sun
Serial killer Harold Shipman hangs himself in the clink. Tasteful
18. Bop gear
Year: 2015
Title: The Sun
Back story: Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has a dust up with one of the show’s producers. Not as catchy as ‘Fracas gear’
19. Chip tator
Year: 2003
Title: New York Post
Back story: Former Iraq dictator Saddam Hussein is captured. With crisps
20. Two sh*gs
Year: 2006
Title: The Mirror
Back story: MP John Prescott has an affair with… his secretary
21. Gord help us now
Year: 2007
Title: Daily Express
Back story: Gordon Brown becomes PM