Dear England cricket copywriter…

A parody response to some terrible marketing waffle from the English cricket team

We should all learn from our mistakes. But it’s much more fun to learn from other people’s.

Take this letter that was sent out by the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) and signed by the entire team. It is written to the next, as yet unknown, England international who will become the 677th to don his country’s cap.

It’s reported to be an effort by kit sponsors, New Balance, to promote their new contract with the ECB.

Written in free verse it is meant to stir the spirits to a fervour of national pride and sporting ambition.

Instead it has caused a wave of derision around social media with the Twitterati describing it as ‘appalling’, ‘asinine’, ‘embarrassing’ and ‘unadulterated cringe’.

The original is below, followed by some advice (also in free verse) to whoever penned such overblown marketing puff.

The original letter, signed by the England cricket team

Dear England Cricket Copywriter…

Whoever you might be.

This is England.

The home of cynicism.

Forget what might work in the USA.

None of it matters over here.

We’ve taken the mickey. For decades. Out of inauthentic waffle.

You’re on the first step of your career at a trendy ad agency.

So stop with the melodramatic speeches.

Do that and we may take you seriously.

We’ll read you. Share you. Like and tweet you.

So hear this.

Don’t try to outthink us.

Take our intelligence seriously.

Because if you don’t do that, we’ll laugh at it all.

One day you’ll get it.

Twenty twenty vision is not required.

To see that you’re testing the nation’s patience.

Being the best copywriter in the country is one thing.

Being the best in the world is another.

Because one things for sure…

Thing’s should have an apostrophe in it

(and brand loyalty isn’t earned by such pompous drivel).

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